It has been so long since I wrote a blog. I have been busy since the day I entered college. Today, I wanted to reflect on my journey so far. The past three years have not been easy. It has been a mix of fun, struggles, doubts. It is still surreal how I reached this point. I cannot believe I am few months away from finishing college.
We are few weeks away from finishing this semester. Until now, I still do not know why I chose this program. Actually, I have always been vocal why I chose this because there is no much chemistry courses. However, I am still not sure if I would like to be a nurse. The more I learn about nursing-- both theoretically and application-- the more I realize this is not something I would like to do in the long run.
In my junior year, I realized I do not want to be a bedside nurse. I also lost the will to become a doctor. I was tired, burnout maybe. During those times, everyday I was pushing myself to attend class, do my requirements, and study. I do not know if I was studying because I wanted to, or I just wanted to finish this degree. At that time, I envisioned a different career path. I planned on taking a Master's degree and become a clinical instructor. I thought I love teaching and maybe I could touch the lives of others.
Fast forward to present, in October, we first had our first actual clinical rotation. During that short time, I had a first hand experience of how is it like being a nurse. That's when I knew that my personality is not fit for that job. I could not imagine myself having to talk to different people everyday. I also do not think my body could cope with the physical demands of providing bed side care. I am not sure if I will ever get used to the malodorous smell in the wards, especially those who have DM foot ulcers.
Another factor that affected my perception in being a nurse is my lack of clinical skills. Because of the pandemic, we have spent two years in the online learning set up. During those years, I have learned theoretically. But I was not able to gain and practice the clinical skills. It frightens me that I am not well-equipped with clinical skills when I start working in the hospital. I feel like I am not yet ready to work after graduating college and passing the board exam.
Currently, I still am undecided about my career path. But I am sure I would like to pursue a post graduate degree. I am just unsure if I would like to take a Master's degree in Nursing or go to medical school. I seriously considered becoming a clinical instructor. I like teaching and taking a MAN only takes two years. However, I realized that there is no much career growth. Now, I am revisiting the idea of becoming a doctor, which is my childhood dream. However, I am still contemplating if I am willing to study and train for the next decade.
The pandemic has taken away my opportunity to get the best experience in college. With less than a year in college, I will try my best to get the most out of it. I am truly grateful that we have returned to face-to-face classes. I honestly missed socializing with people. I missed my friends a lot. I do not regret spending all my break times with them. Meeting new classmates has also been fun. Making new connections, building memories-- every day has been a unique day. There are difficult days, but with them, they make life tolerable. However, it is sad to think that after graduation, we not meet as often we would like to.
-Misaki (01/13/23)
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