I have not told many people about it. It was kind of shameful to stay I failed the USTET. Actually, I did not totally fail but I got waitlisted. When I received the result, I still remember that was a Wednesday morning. When I logged in onto my portal, I was seated on the dining table, eating breakfast. It was that moment I saw my results. Looking through it, all the sub parts were “qualified” but my status was “on-waiting list.” I have had mixed feelings. I felt happy because I did not have the same results of my three classmates who had did not qualify as their status. On the other hand, I felt sad because I had to go through another tedious process to convert that on-waiting list to qualified. There was also a part of me that said, it is impossible to have a slot; there are much more people who are eager to grab that opportunity. I waited patiently until I had further notice and an instruction. It was mid-March when I knew that I had to go to an interview. If I passed that, I could be a Thomasian.
Looking back, I admit that was kind of confident that I will pass the USTET. Actually, I really wasn’t. I was just hoping that I could. It was also the same reason even after getting waitlisted that I did not take other entrance exams immediately. After thinking thoroughly, I just gave up on dreaming that I will enter my dream university, for now. I accepted that I would not be a Thomasian like I have imagined myself ever since I was a kid. It brought me back to my biggest what if in my life and asked myself “What if you took the USTET two years ago? Have you passed, failed, or got waitlisted?” I will never have an answer to this question being not God or a fortune teller. But I am glad I took the risk to take it last year. At least, I have had an answer amidst not being the best or my expected response. I knew I wasn’t fully prepared since I did not take review classes. I did not have much time to self-study even. Although there is a hint of regret in me, wishing I should have done something to prevent this, but that was just a small part of me. My heart says, “After losing an opportunity, there is a bigger door that opens.”
I have decided that I will be attending Far Eastern University for my Bachelor’s Degree. When I chose it, I realized some things that made it favorable for me compared to going to UST. First was finance. The tuition fee in FEU is a little lower than UST’s. It would be a less burden to my parents supporting my education. Second was the prestige. Sometime last year, I realized that I do not want to be on the spotlight. I do not like to be the best. That made me know that FEU is fit for me since it has a good reputation but not one of “Big 4 Us.” It is not like an Ivy League and that what makes it comfortable for me. I could be who I am, not trying to compete, not trying to be the best. Thurd was I have classmates who chose to study at FEU as well. In that case, at least I know four people in the campus on my first day of school. I think that makes me less nervous on being away from home, totally outside of my comfort zone.
Not getting into my dream university was not a total loss. It directed me to the path where I could feel home, somewhere I could be me. Life can sometimes be so unpredictable. All my life I have dreamt of being a Thomasian but it just did not happen. I really have never thought in my entire life that I will be a Tamaraw. That idea never came into my mind, not even once. Hey, look, it is just plans do not happen all the time. We make plans but it is God who decides. I now understood why this happened and I am thankful because I learned how to be rejected and accept it. For three months, I prayed for passing the USTET every night before I slept. When I got a no as an answer, I knew that I could not have everything I want. My faith in God got deeper because of this incident. Maybe in the future I could still be a Thomasian. Maybe in medical school I will get admitted. For now, I will enjoy being a Tamaraw.
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